Things looking up

So it's been a little while since my last post but, I got good news. Things are looking up!!!! Yes my boyfriend and I finally talked things out and I feel like we've moved another step closer to each other now. He seems alot more happier and I know I am happier! well other than that I have other news. I started classes back up a few weeks ago and it's already getting to me. I missed my first day of bio due to health issues so showed up at my first day (2nd lab day) and found out we had to dissect a Rat.... This got me to think. I had 5 pet rats, how the hell will I be able to do this!!!!!! Ended up not having to do a thing I just need to be in the presence of my lab mates while they did everything. Thank God! Well I'm starting to get a little tired so I'll be off for awhile! Catch yall again in a few days!

Crazy How Your Feelings Take Over

Have you ever noticed when you'r life seems to finally be picking itself up again and you feel yourself getting happy again, one thing, one simple conversation can make it all go back down the drain... Yeah, well I know you shouldn't post your life stories and hardships on the interwebs, but I have found it to be so much easier to get things off my chest by doing so. Which is why I created this blog in the first place.

Let me get to the chase here. My current Boyfriend (who I am so happy with) and I had a major conversation last night that has really set me back from being fully happy again.

Romantic story alert:

Well, I met this guy awhile back thru a Ex best friend. At the time I was in a really unhappy relationship with a guy I was living with. The Ex iI was living with controlled my life. I had no friends. I hadn't met new ppl in months. It was hell! The ending of that story was good. I got myself out of that shit hole quick!

The guy I'm with now told me that he was worried about me during all this but never mentioned it to me. Well I later find out that his cousin (who is in the Air Force over in Japan). He came home for awhile and wanted to meet up so him and his cousin came up to my work to meet me. All in all we started to get to talking and he found out that I was still in alot of depression and knew I really had no friends. He took me out to parties to meet new ppl not knowing we'd end up liking each other.

This is where it gets juicy:

So, when we both realized we liked each other I had alot to learn and fight for. He decided to bring up this internet girl he's known for years and was kinda sorta dating.... I spent a few weeks fighting for this guy. He finally made his decision on Christmas day...He chose me! Thought it was amazing and the best feeling ever...was i wrong.

The past two weeks have been amazing till one night at a party I noticed he was going a lill too far with the alcohol... and I immediately knew something was wrong...can you blame me tho? Walking in on some conversation about her and him and me...

His friends love and adore me and approve of me! But he decided it would be the right time to tell me about how he loves me and wants me but still loves her too. I don't know how to feel right now. I thought I was done fighting but it looks like i'm not. I know he talks to her and all and I'm fine with them staying friends but I can't help to hate her... I feel like I'm one in a three man band... one branch of a three person relationship... It's the secretiveness that gets me...

I am so confused afraid....

I need God

I need Jesus

I need to Love and to be loved

I need to be happy again....