Things looking up

So it's been a little while since my last post but, I got good news. Things are looking up!!!! Yes my boyfriend and I finally talked things out and I feel like we've moved another step closer to each other now. He seems alot more happier and I know I am happier! well other than that I have other news. I started classes back up a few weeks ago and it's already getting to me. I missed my first day of bio due to health issues so showed up at my first day (2nd lab day) and found out we had to dissect a Rat.... This got me to think. I had 5 pet rats, how the hell will I be able to do this!!!!!! Ended up not having to do a thing I just need to be in the presence of my lab mates while they did everything. Thank God! Well I'm starting to get a little tired so I'll be off for awhile! Catch yall again in a few days!

Crazy How Your Feelings Take Over

Have you ever noticed when you'r life seems to finally be picking itself up again and you feel yourself getting happy again, one thing, one simple conversation can make it all go back down the drain... Yeah, well I know you shouldn't post your life stories and hardships on the interwebs, but I have found it to be so much easier to get things off my chest by doing so. Which is why I created this blog in the first place.

Let me get to the chase here. My current Boyfriend (who I am so happy with) and I had a major conversation last night that has really set me back from being fully happy again.

Romantic story alert:

Well, I met this guy awhile back thru a Ex best friend. At the time I was in a really unhappy relationship with a guy I was living with. The Ex iI was living with controlled my life. I had no friends. I hadn't met new ppl in months. It was hell! The ending of that story was good. I got myself out of that shit hole quick!

The guy I'm with now told me that he was worried about me during all this but never mentioned it to me. Well I later find out that his cousin (who is in the Air Force over in Japan). He came home for awhile and wanted to meet up so him and his cousin came up to my work to meet me. All in all we started to get to talking and he found out that I was still in alot of depression and knew I really had no friends. He took me out to parties to meet new ppl not knowing we'd end up liking each other.

This is where it gets juicy:

So, when we both realized we liked each other I had alot to learn and fight for. He decided to bring up this internet girl he's known for years and was kinda sorta dating.... I spent a few weeks fighting for this guy. He finally made his decision on Christmas day...He chose me! Thought it was amazing and the best feeling ever...was i wrong.

The past two weeks have been amazing till one night at a party I noticed he was going a lill too far with the alcohol... and I immediately knew something was wrong...can you blame me tho? Walking in on some conversation about her and him and me...

His friends love and adore me and approve of me! But he decided it would be the right time to tell me about how he loves me and wants me but still loves her too. I don't know how to feel right now. I thought I was done fighting but it looks like i'm not. I know he talks to her and all and I'm fine with them staying friends but I can't help to hate her... I feel like I'm one in a three man band... one branch of a three person relationship... It's the secretiveness that gets me...

I am so confused afraid....

I need God

I need Jesus

I need to Love and to be loved

I need to be happy again....

A new "Poem"

It's a poem but more in the form of a monologue kinda thing....

Some will cry

Some will hide

Some with scars will die

Die for no reason

Die for hate

Die for unhappiness

Their walls have fallen

With no hope to REBUILD

No one will help

The ones who cry out

'Cause no one cares

But those who do

Speak your mind

Come out

And tell it as it is

There's nothing more

Than the LOVE of a friend

The LOVE of someone who cares

Don't scare that away

For they will fear

The loss of more like you

The scars will HEAL

The STRONGER you'll be

The more you'll have to live for

REBUILD that wall

And jump over it

For you are stronger now

You don't NEED it.

Keep GOING,

FORGET the past,

Live in the NOW,

Look towards the FUTURE,

YOU are now

A NEW YOU

...I am a new ME!

It's funny sometimes

It's funny sometimes how in a week you think your life has turned for the best. Thinking you might have actually found someone but by the next week it's all gone...down the drain. I wonder how and why god does this stuff. But you know why? God is just making me a stronger person. It also doesn't help that I've been having some heart issues lately. Maybe my heart is literally breaking for once. I've been waiting for this actually. I'm giving up on searching. I barely have friends (maybe like 3) but i still have my family. Everyone has that point in life where they reach rock bottom and i guess i'm getting closer to there now. But it's "wut ev."I am a strong girl and I can move on!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little about me

My name is Tina Reams also known as Ina Marie. I'm 21 years about to turn 22 next week. I'm currently in school at a community college trying to slowly reach my dreams (kinda failing) but one day I promise I will get there. I am also a amateur poet. I've been writing poetry since 2002 right after i lost my grandma and uncle less than two months apart. Ever since all that happened to me that one year my life turned around. I've gone in and out of depression for 9 years now which brings me to why I choose to start this blog. First off i choose the name Yellow Rose cause the yellow rose symbolizes friendship and lately I've felt like i'm loosing all my friends partly cause all I do lately is been snapping at EVERYONE! Including my friends...I still can't figure out what is wrong w/ me which is why i started this blog to try and help myself. I've always been big on friends i grew up w/ no real friend till 5th grade. It hurts everyday when I think of loosing someone special to me.

The picture to the right is a picture of me and my best friend Ash. I haven't known her for many of many years I've only known her for about 7 years and it just hurts thinking i can easily loose her from me snapping all the time. Ash is the one person i go to for everything. I tell her my every secret. I completely trust her. I was recently told she was gonna move to Miami and all i could think about was great wth am I gonna do now that my best friend will be gone. Well she finally changed her mind and decided to stay. "Yippee!" But after tonight when i snapped for some unknown reason i tried apologizing to her and well still no response I fear I may have pushed it and lost her.

All I can really do is keep my head held up high and keep a hold of my faith and see what is to be brought to me. I'm gonna leave yall w/ a poem i wrote last year called Broken.

Broken

The blackend petals fall one by one

A broken love torn to pieces

The Blood stained carpet lies awaken

To the silent sound of dispair

The thornes dig in

The blood continues

A bed of dying roses

For a dying girl

This love, this hate

Which way do I chose

Heaven or hell

Am I going nowhere.

I am strong

I can live on

I’ve made my mistake

And must continue on

The blackend petals fall one by one

A broken love torn to pieces

The Blood stained carpet lies awaken

To the silent sound of dispair

To the silent sound of hope.

(Written by Christina Reams)